


The Hurricane In My Chest

by xenoglossia (oncharredwings)



Series: One Shots & Shorts [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Coda, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, Operation Kuron, Season 5 coda, Shiro is hurting, as many times as it takes, but they're gonna get through it, i tagged it as keith/shiro because they are friends, i tagged this as gen bc it's not that shippy?, if you want to read it platonic or romantic that is up to you, keith is hurting, lance is hurting, obvs i ship sheith but u can read this as platonic if u want, the coda fic i needed, they all fucking hurting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncharredwings/pseuds/xenoglossia
Summary: Crashing reality of returning to Kolivan alive, in one piece preferably, was the only thing keeping Keith together. On the inside Keith was breaking, shattering, splintering into pieces of emotions he didn’t recognize or know how to categorize and compartmentalize. The only thing he could do was fly the damn Galra cruiser and return to Kolivan alive. The only thing he could do to hold his heart together.“Keith.”Her voice.A voice he had not heard in so many years he’d forgotten why it felt familiar. A face he could not recognize or piece together from hazy memories.-- the CODA fic you didn't ask for but are getting anyway





	The Hurricane In My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, this fic is full of spoilers so read with caution if you have not watched the new season!  
> Scream at me on [tumblr](http://pining-sheith.tumblr.com/)

Crashing reality of returning to Kolivan alive, in one piece preferably, was the only thing keeping Keith together. On the inside Keith was breaking, shattering, splintering into pieces of emotions he didn’t recognize or know how to categorize and compartmentalize. The only thing he could do was fly the damn Galra cruiser and return to Kolivan alive. The only thing he could do to hold his heart together. 

“Keith.” 

Her voice. 

A voice he had not heard in so many years he’d forgotten why it felt familiar. A face he could not recognize or piece together from hazy memories. 

Keith set his shoulders and jaw and eased the cruiser back to Kolivan’s ship. Kolivan had known – he  _ had _ to have known that Krolia was his mother. He had to have known and he sent Keith after her anyway. Salty, stinging tears filled Keith’s eyes as he docked the cruiser, but he didn’t move from the pilot’s seat. Krolia stood off to the side as the hatch opened and the Blades swarmed around the cruiser to check on them. 

“Keith,” Krolia said again, her voice gentle and kind. A mother’s voice.  _ His _ mother’s voice.

The tears fell like stars streaking through the galaxy and his shoulders shook with the force of a hurricane sweeping with all of the emotions swarming inside his chest. He couldn’t move and even if he could, Keith didn’t want to move again. He wanted to stay in the Galra cruiser until oxygen deprivation turned his skin purple and blue. 

“Please,” Krolia whispered. Her hand reached out to touch his shoulder but Keith pulled away. The touch was heated metal of the lions in the hot sun. The touch was a mixture of pain and pleasure and everything he’d ever wanted. The touch felt forbidden. The touch was slivers of thin eggshells in his hands.

“Keith,” came Kolivan’s voice and then he appeared slowly on the cruiser. His bulk was too big for the space at hand but he made do as he came to Keith’s side. “You did well, Keith. The mission–.” 

“Shut up,” Keith whispered in a voice shaky enough to betray his unstable heart. 

“Keith–.” 

“I said  _ shut up _ !” Keith rounded on Kolivan hard and fast with enough adrenaline to make him knock the much bigger Galra backward toward the hatch. “You  _ knew _ ! Didn’t you? You  _ knew _ she was there and you sent  _ me _ in after her! Why?!” 

Kolivan took a deep breath and exchanged a glance with Krolia. “Perhaps we should talk about this in private, Keith.” 

“No.” The words spat out like poison and ice on Keith’s tongue. More than anything he wanted to return to Voltron. He wanted to leave the Blades of Marmora and forget they ever existed. In the same breath, however, Keith wanted to curl up into his mother’s arms and beg her to never leave him again. 

_ I left you once, I’ll never leave you again. _

“I think  _ I _ should talk to Keith,” Krolia said quietly and she reached her hand over to touch Kolivan’s arm. “Thank you, Kolivan… For everything. For keeping my son safe.” 

Keith stormed out of the cruiser around them and down into the group of Blades standing around being nosy. No eye contact. No acknowledgment. They all whispered amongst themselves with whatever conspiracies they could think of but Keith ignored them all. He ignored Kolivan calling for him. He ignored his mother calling for him. 

Keith headed for the training deck.

 

* * *

 

Nothing felt as good as training mindlessly until his muscles screamed and his body had no choice but to yield to the pain. Keith collapsed on the training deck floor panting and sweating while his mind still raced as fast as his heartbeat. No one had bothered him and Keith knew probably at Kolivan’s behest. Not even his mother had made an appearance. 

Krolia. 

Her name was Krolia and she was beautiful. They looked so alike and Keith felt shaken to the very core of his own being. How had he not known? No such thing as coincidences no matter how many realities Slav rambled on about. This reality was the only reality that mattered in the end. The one he lived in. The one he was part of. The one his mother left and returned to him in. The one where she promised to never leave him again. 

Another bout of tears racked through Keith’s lungs and a choked sob like a strangled animal wrenched from his core into the empty space. The floor felt cool against his skin as he sank down and splayed out on his stomach. The sense of abandonment he’d felt his entire life crashed down around him and his castle of solitude felt supremely full instead of empty. 

The found family he’d found in the Paladins.   
The found family he’d found in  _ Shiro _ . The love he felt for Shiro. The feelings he buried inside for Shiro.   
The found family he’d found in the Blades.  
The found family he’d found in Kolivan. 

The family he had with his mother, Krolia. 

Keith remained on the floor long enough he felt his eyes fall heavy with sleep, but the sound of the door opened made him sit up enough to wipe the snot and tears from his face on the back of his sleeve. Kolivan stood in the doorway casting a long shadow upon the training deck. 

“Keith, I know you are overwhelmed and I understand… This is why I could not tell you my knowledge. I… I had not been in contact directly with Krolia for some time, but once you started to train with us… I realized you reminded me so much of her.” Kolivan entered the room and walked over to offer his hand. 

Keith ignored the help and pushed himself upright without Kolivan’s assistance. He didn’t want Kolivan’s help or excuses again. “I’m leaving the Blade of Marmora,” he said coldly. “I don’t belong here.” 

“Yes, you do.” Kolivan pointed to Keith’s knife. “ _That_ shows you belong here.”

“It’s my mother’s blade, she can take it back–.” 

“She left it with you.” Kolivan sighed and Keith was surprised to see the old Galra seem tired. A shadow passed along his face, darkening the scar along his eye. “I know you are upset with me and with everyone else here. You’re upset with your mother and your family. I know human emotion is volatile at best and you… Well…” 

Keith wanted to punch Kolivan in the gut but he refrained. “You know nothing about me.” 

“Maybe not,” Kolivan conceded quietly. “Keith, the mission wasn’t just because I wanted you to go to… I had been in contact with Krolia for a while and I told her about you. She wanted me to keep an eye on you and I  _ have _ . Maybe not as well as I should have, but she knew you were doing well training with the Blade and you have come so far.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and sheathed his knife away. Flattery fell on deaf ears and Keith walked away out of the training deck. Kolivan followed behind and Keith was not surprised to find his mother talking with a few of the Blades down the hall. He froze to the spot and even though he’d rested for a while, his heart immediately picked up the pace again. The urge to run and flee filled him to the core, but the urge to run  _ to _ her was almost so overwhelming, he had to steady his arm against the wall. 

Kolivan touched his shoulder and kept him from falling over. “You’re exhausted,” Kolivan said mistaking his anxiety for physical exertion. “You need to rest, Keith. When was the last time you slept?”

The question was innocent and one he was used to from Kolivan. The answer, always the same. “I don’t know,” Keith admitted quietly, his eyes still trained on Krolia. His heart ached. He wanted her to tell him she loved him and would never leave him again. 

“You need to rest,” Kolivan insisted as he squeezed Keith’s shoulder. “You are tired and must regain your strength.” 

Keith pulled out from under Kolivan’s hand and started to walk toward his mother. The hallway felt like a desert mirage – if he focused on her too hard she might disappear or maybe she wasn’t even there, to begin with, and it was all in his mind.

“Mom,” Keith whispered knowing his voice would shake if he spoke any louder. Maybe it still had. 

Krolia turned to face him and Keith saw his eyes in her. He saw his hair. He saw his sharp cheekbones and his knack for coming off harsh and cold. Upon seeing him, however, Krolia’s face softened and she smiled. “Keith,” she said gently. “We have so much to talk about.” 

“I know,” Keith said his voice still not above a whisper. If he spoke any louder the dream would shatter and she would disappear. This would all be for nothing and once again he would feel a piece of him splinter off and the walls of his heart would grow a foot higher. 

“Can we talk?” Krolia asked. 

Keith nodded. “Yeah.” It was time.   
  


* * *

 

The questions swirling through Keith’s mind were vast and seemingly infinite. His mind raced so fast and his tongue could not keep up. He wanted to ask about his father; how had they met and why had they been together. He wanted to ask about the Blades; how had she joined and why did she leave? He wanted to ask about her heritage; did she have family and were there more people for him to consider his family, too? 

The only thing, however, that managed to escape Keith’s mouth as soon as they were alone was, “Why did you leave me?” 

The question, poignant and harsh, came across broken and scared. Keith wasn’t sure he wanted the answer but he had to ask. The child in him had to know why his mother had abandoned him. Why had she left a gaping hole in his chest that could never be filled by anyone or anything? Why had he not been worthy enough of her love? 

Krolia’s face fell and she seemed sad and ashamed. “That is a complicated question Keith and it has a complicated answer. I always loved you, I do not want you to think I left because I didn’t love you. I’ve thought of you every day ever since I left you and your father behind.” 

“Then why? Why did you leave if it wasn’t because you didn’t want me?” Keith demanded. His voice grew in frustration and he could hear it shake. No steadying hands could stop him from the tears ready to start falling again.

“I was called away when the Galra rose up… I feared if I stayed with you and your father I would draw attention to you.” Krolia’s ears seemed to droop as her face became sadder and her own golden eyes shined with white tears. “I left the knife with you and your father because I thought one day you would discover your true heritage. You’ve always had greatness within you, Keith.” 

Keith had to bite back an urge to deny her praise. He didn’t have _greatness_ within. The only thing he had was the ability to pilot a ship out of dicey situations and wield a sword better than he wielded his feelings. _Greatness_ _within_ made him think of the other Paladins – Shiro, Lance, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk. They had greatness within. They were all worthy to pilot lions. He was only a placeholder. A semicolon and rest between finding the real Paladins of Voltron. 

“You doubt this,” Krolia said with such surety. “You get that from me.” 

“What?” Keith felt a frown pull his eyebrows together.

“I always doubted myself before I met your father. He taught me to love myself and to love others. He taught me that I was great, too.” Krolia smiled fondly into space. Not at him. Not at anyone or anything in particular, but Keith felt she smiled over his father. 

“But you left.” Again. The cold words felt harsh between them. 

“I know. I wish I could have stayed or brought you with me. You were too human to bring back here and I was too Galra to stay with you. I had to make a choice, Keith, and I’m not saying it was right or wrong, but it was a choice I had to make.” Krolia took a step closer to Keith and Keith forced his legs to stay locked in place. “I love you, Keith. I love you so much.” 

_ I love you _ . 

Words he’d never heard before this moment. His father had never been one for words and he couldn't remember if he’d heard them as a child. Shining tears trickled down his face and Keith felt his shoulders slump and shake. Krolia walked closer and closer until she could wrap her arms around him and hold him close. Her lips brushed against his hair and his nose filled with the scent of leather, sweat, and something sweet. Flowers. A flower he didn’t recognize but made him think of a comforting place. 

“I will never leave you again,” Krolia said firmly. “Wherever you go, I will follow you. I promise. Do you truly wish to leave the Blades?” 

Keith swallowed a lump in his throat. His face felt hot and tight across the bones of his cheeks like it pulled too much and one wrong facial expression and he’d crack like a breaking egg. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I feel… betrayed by them. Like Kolivan lied to me.” 

“He didn’t want to,” Krolia whispered against his hair. “He wanted to tell you. I didn’t want him to… I didn’t want you to compromise your missions because of me. But it was time. It was  _ time _ and I needed to see you.” 

Keith shuddered against his mother’s chest and sank further into her arms. The arms he never thought he would ever feel around him again. The embrace felt so warm and comforting like home. Hearth and home and peace. Nothing bad could happen to him while here. “I have to think about it,” Keith admitted. “I’m not sure where I belong anymore.” 

“I will support whatever decision you make,” Krolia said. She kissed the top of his head again. He felt so small in her arms but it was comforting. “Kolivan says you’ve done well in training and on missions. He’s very proud of you.” 

Guilt kicked Keith in the gut.

Kolivan only wanted to protect him, despite always harping about the mission and he’d been too hard on the old Galra. “I think I should talk to him, too,” Keith said quietly. “But I don’t want to leave you.” 

Krolia’s embrace tightened around his body fiercely. “I know, Keith. I don’t want to leave you either but we won’t be far from one another. I won’t leave until you are ready to either move on from the Blades or go on a mission.” 

The words were comforting and Keith remained in Krolia’s arms until he realized Kolivan was right about needing rest. His body suddenly felt so tired he could hardly stand upright. Krolia walked him to his sleeping quarters and put him to bed. Keith ignored the other Blades and just took comfort in his mother tucking him into bed, kissing his forehead, and wishing him sweet dreams. 

A mother’s wish cures nightmares.

Keith let his eyes droop shut and for once his dreams were of happier times filled with steel eyes, hoverbikes, desert expanses, and endless possibilities.

 

* * *

  
  


_ “Keith. Keith, can you hear me? Keith, come in, Keith- _ .” 

“Lance?” Keith sat up slowly as he pulled up the communication from Lance. He hadn’t seen or heard from Lance in a long time, but he saw the Blue - no, now Red Paladin’s face looking distressed. He’d slept for what felt like years, but the room was dark and he was alone in his room. “What is it?” 

“I’m sorry to call like this,” Lance whispered and glancing all around him with paranoid eyes. “I just have to talk to you about something.” 

“What?” Keith asked. 

“It’s about… Shiro.” 

Keith’s heart surged and adrenaline forced him awake and alert. “What about him? Is he alright? Is he hurt?” Keith would tear down the entire universe to make sure Shiro was safe. 

“He’s not hurt, I don’t think,” Lance said slowly. Almost cryptically and it made Keith want throttle him a little. “He’s not himself. He’s… been acting strange.” 

“Strange?” 

“He’s yelling a lot and he’s either emotionless or volatile. He– He kept insisting  _ he _ makes the decisions around here because he’s the leader.” Lance’s face fell sadly. “We both know that’s not like Shiro.” 

Keith frowned in return. Shiro would have gladly eaten his own hand before overruling someone and stating  _ he _ was the leader of Voltron. “No, that’s not like him at all. What else?” 

“We had to fight this virus… beast… thing..” Lance whispered. “And we got trapped in it and we had to tap into our lions and we all showed up in that weird astral plane place quickly. Except for Shiro. We kept calling and calling and then he wasn’t there and... “ 

Keith frowned as he tried to envision what Lance was talking about. “And..?” 

“He showed up eventually but he called out to me. Told me to… to listen? I don’t know. I don’t know because he doesn’t even remember calling out to me and everything was loud, I couldn’t hear.” Lance gave him a guilty look like it was his fault he didn’t have more intel. “And then Shiro told me recently he isn’t  _ feeling _ like himself. I thought it was oxygen deprivation but…” 

Keith sat back against the pillow behind his head and let the frown pull and contort his face. “Something’s wrong with him,” he said with strong certainty.

“Yeah,” Lance agreed softly. “We need your help. You know Shiro better than  _ anyone _ . If any of us can get Shiro back to normal, it’s you.” 

Keith gulped and nodded. His heartstrings pulled and ached to see Shiro in person again. He wanted to introduce his mother to Shiro and show her the most important person in his life. He wanted Shiro to meet his mother and see his Galra side. 

“Keith?” Lance said softly. 

“Yeah?” 

“Please come back to Voltron. We really need you.” 

The words filled Keith’s chest with warmth and happiness. He smiled softly at the screen and then nodded an affirmative. “I'm coming, but I’m not coming alone. There’s someone with me you guys have to meet. Maybe she can help us figure out what’s going on with Shiro.” 

“Who?” 

“Her name is Krolia.”

 

* * *

  
  


Shiro. 

Despite what Lance said about Shiro and despite his own doubts, Keith could not contain himself from walking up and pulling Shiro into a firm and much needed hug upon his return to the Castle of Lions. On the way over, Keith had chatted about Shiro nonstop to his mother. He’d told her about his time in the Garrison and how Shiro had been his only friend and how his disappearance had hurt him so badly it left him feeling empty and purposeless. He told her about how he’d known Shiro wasn’t dead and how he’d searched for a year for clues. How when Shiro reappeared he didn’t hesitate to save his friend. His best friend. 

His guiding light. His everything. 

His Shiro. 

The problem, however, was that Shiro’s hug lacked warmth and enthusiasm. He’d expected Shiro to hug him back just as tightly and to ruffle his hair and say he missed him. Shiro did none of those things. The hug was succinct and quick with barely any emotion at all. When Shiro stepped back, Keith didn’t see the man he’d talked to Krolia about. 

The man in front of him was not Takashi Shirogane. 

“Shiro,” Keith said softly regardless of his initial feelings. “It’s good to see you.” 

Shiro nodded. “It’s good to see you, Keith. Who did you bring with you?” 

Krolia smiled and stepped forth to offer her hand. “My name is Krolia… I am… Keith’s mother. You must be Shiro. He’s talked a lot about you on the way over.” 

Keith blushed but Shiro seemed unphased. Even at the news about Krolia being his mom. He accepted the handshake formally and then stepped back to let the others go about greeting Keith and meeting Krolia. Between Lance, Hunk, Pidge, Coran, and Allura, Keith felt more love from them than Shiro. Even Lotor seemed eager to meet Krolia. 

Shiro remained robotic and his attentions were on a map versus on them. Lance was right. Something was wrong with Shiro. 

Keith approached Shiro’s side while his friends talked to Kolivan and Krolia. He stood at Shiro’s left and touched his shoulder just as they’d done so many times before. “Shiro,” Keith said again. “I’m  _ really _ glad to see you again. I… I missed you.” 

Not something he’d usually admit. 

Shiro glanced at him and Keith glanced the Shiro he knew just for a moment. His face softened and he smiled in only the way Shiro would for him. “I missed you, too, Keith.” But then the life fell out of Shiro’s eyes and even though the smile remained, it felt forced and fake. 

“I want to return to Voltron,” Keith said. “In any way, I can. I don’t mind helping Coran on the ship or just being an extra set of eyes and hands. I just really want to come back. Can I?” 

Shiro paused and Keith felt like he was tripping over a ledge and the fall was going to hurt. “Of course, Keith,” he said but he didn’t sound happy about it. “You’re always welcome here.” He didn’t sound welcoming. 

“Is everything alright, Shiro?” Keith whispered only for Shiro’s ears. “Is something going on you want to talk about?” 

Shiro glanced at him in his peripherals but kept facing the map his face hard and impassive. “No. I’m fine.” 

“Lance–.” 

“Don’t listen to what Lance says!” Shiro snapped loud enough to draw everyone’s eyes to them. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” 

Keith withdrew his hand from Shiro’s shoulder and cast Lance an apologetic glance, but Lance only shrugged in understanding. “I’m sorry,” Keith said and walked back to the group. 

The man standing behind him was not Shiro and Keith felt his blood run cold with the implication. Allura smiled and led them through the castle to give Krolia a tour, but Keith’s mind remained locked on Shiro. He cared for Shiro and he knew Shiro was in there somewhere, but something was wrong. Did the others beside Lance notice? 

Did anyone else outside of their team notice? 

“It’s your old room,” Lance said drawing Keith from his thoughts. “Promise I didn’t mess with it.” 

Keith smiled and patted Lance’s shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

“So, uh, you see what I’m saying? About Shiro?” Lance whispered as he drew close to Keith. “Also, man, I’m  _ so _ glad you found your mom. That’s… really awesome.” 

“Me, too,” Keith said. “Yeah, I see what you’re saying. That’s… That’s not Shiro.” 

“But then  _ who _ is he? And where’s the real Shiro? I mean, I’m pretty sure the real Shiro was in that astral place… but how do we get  _ there _ ?” Lance began to wring his hands in worry. “I don’t know what to do, Keith. I feel so hopeless and I don’t know how to tell the others. I mean, they have suspicions but I haven’t  _ told _ anyone about the other thing yet.” 

“We’ll figure it out.” Keith squeezed Lance’s shoulder. “We always do.” 

_ As many times as it takes _ , Keith had promised Shiro what felt like a lifetime ago. And he meant it. 

“So, operation save Shiro is a go?” Lance asked. 

Keith nodded firmly. “As many times as it takes.” 


End file.
